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Monday, February 7, 2011

Powerful Dream.

My middle child, Campbell, taught me what it's like to love someone so much it hurts. Her smile and laugh make me believe in magic, and one can't help but feel happy when she does.

She was diagnosed with Rett Syndrome, and as of yet cannot walk, or speak. She has, over the last year and a half, started having seizures. There is nothing more painful than watching her seize... She doesn't understand what is happening, and the look of fear on her face absolutely kills me.

She loves holding my hand. If she's napping, and wakes up scared and disoriented, she'll wrap her fingers around mine, and look at me for comfort. That I can do that for her makes me feel like Superman.

Recently, There have been breakthroughs in Rett Syndrome, including reversal of Rett Syndrome in lab mice. Human clinical trials are starting as I write this, and I'm chomping at the bit.

That's what you need to understand to get why this dream was so powerful.

I dreamt she had been accepted into the first phase of the trials, where all the children get the drug to see how well it's tolerated. In the dream she had been in the trial for three months, and was showing more control of her muscles. It was my turn to inject the drug. The needle was cartoonishly huge, and I had to inject it deep in her leg. It looked like it would go all the way through.

I winced as I drove the needle into her tiny little leg, expecting her to cry out in pain - I wanted to. She apparently understood the drug was helping her, so she made a little face at the initial injection, but gave me a huge, comforting smile.