Dear Internet:

Here's what bugs me on the internet right now:

If Mars were close enough to appear as big as the Moon, we'd all be dead.

Also, Mars doesn't have two suns. That's stupid.

"Chinese Feng Shui" is about arrangement of objects. It has nothing to do with the Western Calendar, and even less to do with sharing on Facebook. Also, any time a 31 day month starts on a Friday, there are five full weekends. Not every 823 years.

Facebook does not have a police force. Not even a "Drug Task Force". They'd lose too many subscribers if they did that.

That page that really wants to give you a free iPhone[newest version] is a scam.

Money is not donated for sharing pictures of fragile, vulnerable children like trading cards. Those pictures are used without the parents' permission, every single goddamned time, and the only thing it does is bring up the worst moment of a parent's life. Don't share it "just in case", or you're part of the problem.

If you only accept information from people who claim they vote the same as you, then you are easily led.

 

Sharing something online doesn't keep ghosts away. It doesn't affect your luck. God probably doesn't give a shit if you share something or not, either.

 

Mermaids have not been found by anyone, anywhere, ever.

 

"Ignore if u dont care" posts can't tell you if you care or not. They obviously don't care enough to use real words.

 

If a video contains "100% proof" in the title, it's just a ploy to keep you from thinking about it, even a little bit.

 

I don't have a girlfriend. 

A Vague Guide on how to Chase a Dream.

I was musing over New Year's resolutions, and I realized something:

I'm totally chasing my dream, just not yet...

We grow up expecting to put our best on hold. We're told "When you're older", "When you grow up" and "someday". These are soft, safe, indefinite periods of time that will just come to us. The days certainly do, especially "When you're older".

New Year's resolutions are smaller versions of this. We get a little hope in our eyes when we quantify something we want for ourselves, and tell ourselves we'll get right on it...As soon as this year's over. Why not now? Today isn't a round number. There aren't enough 1's in the date.

We're so used to putting things on hold. I want to lose weight, be healthy, and not want to die just because I stood up from the couch. I won't DO anything today, even though my desire to change is at it's most fresh. Even though right now would be the time to make the change.

With bigger changes, there's no reason to tell yourself to flip a switch. You know, I'll continue to absolutely abuse myself, but as soon as I see all those 1's in the date, I can change. I'll excercise 3 hours a day and only eat baby spinach and tofu! What you don't even let yourself think about is by making a little change now, say, getting out and going for a little walk, is so amazingly easy to do, we can't accept it as a step to change.

We aren't used to effort when it comes to our dreams. Dreams are happy thoughts. Putting them off until "someday" lets us imagine they could be real, without the risk of trying and failing. Real effort ending in failure is one of the most genuine disappointments in life. Another disappointment is what people choose to accept as failure.

"Everything didn't go as planned..." so what? That's just life. Did you learn something? Is your goal now unattainable, or even scarier, what if you got close but realized what you truly want is something different?

But, oh wizened Ben, how can I change my motivation?

Think about this: Person McPrimate wants to be a famous actor. He's pushing 40, and has never even pursued this dream.

Parallel World #1: Person joins an acting class. Person memorizes some Shakespeare. Person auditions for a few local plays, never cast. Gives up.

Parallel World #2: Person does nothing, aside from actively resenting award shows.

Guess which one is happier? World #1. He tried, he failed. He still learned a lot, met some new people, stepped outside his comfort zone. He never regrets not doing something.

Most of us could easily live in World #1, there's always something we can do to chase our dreams, even if it's just ask advice from someone who can give you advice on your dream. There's another world, though. The world in which Person never chooses to accept failure, eventually lands a speaking part, maybe another. He may choose to improve his skill. He may choose to try and get on TV, he may choose to stay on stage. As long as Person knows what he wants, he's always going to make strides in that direction, however big or small.

The only thing that separates any of these is choice. In what you choose to do or change, there may be a big step needed that you may not have the resources for, be it money, time or any number of things. A lot of us might be surprised that as much as we hold this excuse to be sacred and all-ending, there's always something we can do. If we can't do the big thing, that's no excuse to hold back on the little things.

Trying is hard. I'm tired...

You have to give yourself permission to take a step back. Sometimes we need to assess a situation, our wants, our needs, from another point of view. We might need a nap. We may need to re-evaluate. We may just be burnt out. Life happens to all of us. Give yourself some conditions, like sulk for two days and do (name an action) immediately after, even if I don't want to at the time. Don't feel bad about your vacation, and try to look forward to beating your own reluctance to take that action. Realize that if you do, you don't have to feel bad about needing your own time, and that puts less pressure from you onto yourself.

If you consider any trial a success or failure, make sure you learn something from it. If you need to be disppointed with yourself, make that disappointment count.



So, I've got some dreams to get to. Later on in life, I may regret not going for it sooner, but at least I won't regret not going for it.

My Experience: Instead of Ending it all, I'm Starting Again.

A few years ago, I was in a customer service job. I was good at it. I talked to people, and even better, I talked gadgets with them. I started zoning out and feeling dizzy most nights, and was asked to leave early quite often.

One time, on the hour and a half drive home, I blacked out for almost half an hour, and found myself quite off course, in the opposite direction of home.

I decided to see my doctor, and it was discovered that my *fasting* blood sugar was 599. My doctor called me after hours on a Friday, and had the pharmacy stay open a little late so I could get some meds and supplies, or else I would have to go into the hospital.

This began a period of change. Mostly for the better. Suffering from depression, I had always felt "not quite right" so I didn't even notice the havoc that daily fast-food lunches were wreaking on my poor body.

So, I figured, one more thing to deal with, I got this shit.

Change is always stressful, even if it's for the better. About the diabetes, it's been 4 years now, nearing 5. I got my diagnosis a month after my daughter's Rett Syndrome diagnosis.

Yeah, pile on the worries.

Sometimes, I don't feel the worry on the surface. It's always there. It still is. I know now how to let myself feel it, and get it out.

If I jump ahead, it's because this gets darker, then it gets better.

So, for a while I was out of work. After medical leave, I'd try to go back, and get asked to leave again. I was "hurting the company's numbers", though still doing a great job as far as the customer was concerned. I was using the knowledge in my head, getting things right, but not following "work flows". I couldn't focus on those. Not while talking to someone and looking up info for them at the same time.

I've always enjoyed the feeling of a job well done. I hadn't had that in too long at this point. I wasn't an earner. It was costing me money to go to work. I had to go out on short-term disability.

While out, things at home got tense, and I was kicked out of the house by my now ex. Don't worry about that, we're civil, even friends most of the time.

I stayed with my sister for a few months, then, near the end of this round of medical leave, I found a place to live nearer to work.

I moved, closer to work, but much farther away from anything familiar. I still had to deal with crippling social anxiety, depression, you name it. And I still just couldn't think straight.

I went back to work around the holidays. I was a mess. A bad phone call, and I'd be in tears, and I wouldn't even know why. Needless to say, I was asked to leave again.

So now I was rooming with someone I barely knew, almost two hours from my children without a car(their mother had it), and the holidays were upon us.

To top it off, I have Rheumatoid arthritis. I had a major flare up, so on top of it all, I was dealing with intense physical pain. That alone is hard to think clearly through.

I stayed in my room, sometimes all day, with the lights off. I've always been able to deal with a lot, as long as their was something, even small, that I could do or work on to make things better. There may have been something I could have done, but I couldn't figure what it was.

I thought about ending it all. My sister was good enough to reach out, but people's pity didn't help me at this point. I was low, and withdrawing more and more.

For a few days, I wouldn't let anyone even know anything was wrong. I was in crippling pain, and when people were there, I made sure I was sitting, and if I had to get up, it was when they weren't paying attention. I couldn't laugh at anything. Nothing had meaning.

I was so overwhelmed, I laid in bed for two days, only getting up to relieve my bladder. I felt so amazingly useless. I couldn't pay my rent, see my kids, or even go to work if it meant finding a new job. I was in no shape for that.

Finally, I went to the medicine cabinet, saw I had the better part of a month's worth of prescription sleeping pills, and some vodka. I swallowed the lot, and laid down, expecting never to get up. It didn't even upset me.

Fortunately, a few hours later, I felt a little wet nose on my face. My dog, London

Someone was rooting for me.

, was nuzzling me, wanting affection. I realized what I had done, gave my dog a hug, and I knew that if I waited, I'd just feel like I did the night before again.

I called 911. It had only been about 3 hours, and I didn't know if I'd make it otherwise. It turns out I'd have to take a few hundred of those pills to really do any damage, but I didn't know that at the time.

I was taken to the emergency room, questioned, and left there for most of the day on a hospital bed. They asked if I would go to a CSU - Crisis Stabilization Unit. I agreed, hoping removing myself from society for a few days would help me get my head on straight.

While there, I learned to make origami. My flare up spread to my right hand, so I made a swan entirely left handed.

I drew some. I found peace in that. The first peace I could remember in months.


I draw, I paint. I make wire sculpture. I play music. Mostly for myself, but in rare cases, I get paid for it. I found a sort of usefulness for myself.

Even though it's been nearly five years, and my head is back on for the most part, things do NOT change overnight. It's hard. It's hard to find what actions one can take. It's hard to see things in a better light. It's not impossible, and if you can manage to stick it out, and find what centers you, maybe find at least one person you can really connect with, you don't have to talk about your problems all the time. Just work on finding out who you are, and be that person. Work on that person. Make that person better. For yourself.

This guy can be your best friend if you treat him right.

When you do things to make yourself better, you are worth so much more to those who need you. However useless you can feel when the darkness inside almost wins, I promise, somebody out there loves you and needs you. Sometimes you just haven't met them, or made them. Sometimes, they're not human.

Whatever you do, be true to yourself. It takes time to really find what that means. It's not easy, and there can be so much chaos in the meantime. Learn to let go of what really doesn't matter so you can focus on what really does. If giving in to anger, hate, or sadness won't help you accomplish something, don't let it win. Do cry if you need to. Crying releases endorphins, our brain's natural mood stabilizer.

Health-wise, I'm healthier than I've been my entire adult life. I've got my strength back, and added some sexy man-muscle, I can even run again. Taking care of yourself is always worth it.

For me, this holiday season, I'd rate as my most stressful yet. Everything I've been afraid of, without going into detail, has happened. Yet, I'm optimistic. I've made changes, and I'm looking forward to a new phase of my life. I promise great things, and for once, I really feel it, too.

The Magical Time of the Eighties

I realized I was officially old once I accepted that I liked the time in which I grew up. There was a tension to the times, no different from today, we just weren't as able to feed it. We were just getting an idea of the concept of globalization, we were naive.

The 80's was a decade of excess. More colorful excess than the 70's, which was a mostly brown, yellow and avocado time. The 80's brought us fluorescent color technology, bubble letters, and lots of triangles and checkerboard patterns. It was a visual assault brought on by marketing execs who were doing entirely too much cocaine.

Music was amazing. It was THE time to listen to pop music. Like today, people complained that modern music sucked. Like any other time, the best stuff stays with you and makes the past seem better than it was at the time. Electronic and Synth, which where mostly experimented with in the 60's and 70's, really hit big. People understood better what to do with sound. As with anything, there were those that would overdo it, but we got some of the most emotionally charged, yet deceptively simple music. 

For example, this always makes me happy, but don't look for any deeper meaning:

I should add, as obvious as it is, that computer graphics were in their infancy. Traditional art, therefore, led to one of the most amazing music videos(and songs) EVER.

We had movies. Oh my, did we ever have movies. The 80's brought us The Last Starfighter, The NeverEnding Story, Gremlins, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, Labyrinth, The Goonies... so much good stuff. So very much. I could write several posts just on the movies, and several more just on the music.

Things were not ideal. There was tension. There was turmoil in the middle east. We had a president who wanted to take our guns who was involved in scandal. This is not a 21st-century invention. USSR was united and Germany was separated. We all had more nukes than anyone could survive long enough to use. We had the Cold War.

As much fun as the 80's reeked of, there was still a message trying to come out.

The political climate was just as dire in the 80's as it is today, we just didn't binge watch TV news or have internet. Though, in 1980 America boycotted the Olympics in then-USSR who had just invaded Afghanistan. The 1980 Olympic games were a failure. In 1984, with the popularization of cable TV, The US hosted the Olympics. We wanted to show what capitalism, done right(?), could accomplish. The Soviet Union attempted a boycott of their own. The US-USSR events were tense, it's the only time I remember real people showing real pride in their country. Not only did the US win some gold in the deal, but we started winning the "culture war" without even trying.

People got their first glimpses of American TV. People living in other places saw the American ideal. It was the 80's, we lived in excess. The rest of the world thought we must be such a happy, ideal place to live in(some did), and so began the "Americanization" of certain aspects of world culture.

This would set off events leading to the end of the Cold War, and the re-unification of West and East Germany. It turned out to be an amazing time to be alive.

Depression.

I've battled depression most of my life. It's not just "being sad". I can be happy and still feel depression deep down at my most basic level. I can be truly happy.

Depression is like a magnet in my brain, skewing my world experience toward a negative view. I've come to understand it better, and I can tell when brain chemistry is messing with me. More and more of the time, I can tell that it's brain chemistry. Quite often, this lets me take action.

Action, rather than experience, seems to help more than anything. Having something nice happen is good, rewarding, but I can be sad just the same. Also, I notice that, having this "pull" toward negative thinking, when things are at their worst, I can be my best. When I act, no matter how slightly, I have some amazing inner strength that I don't always feel. When quantifying actions I can take, I get overwhelmed. There is a panic that sets in, and many half-formed thoughts that I haven't quite put into words are screaming in my brain. It feels impossible to act, to change things, and this is where the worst of it comes.

I've seen shrinks, therapists, and there are always plenty of people telling me to "just look at the positive". The thing is, despite how dark I get sometimes, I'm a pretty positive and optimistic person - in general.

I've gotten advice that I should have a circle of people I can trust. I hate that. If my brain is being irrational, I don't want to feed it by having friends help me dwell on it. I need to identify some positives, focus on them, and do something. The people I can trust are the people I can tell that I'm bummed, and listen to me when I tell them I'll get over it. Sometimes I need a hug, but rarely does a pity-party help anything or anyone.

I've never had success with "positive affirmations". I can tell myself anything I want, but if I don't feel it, it doesn't sink in. For some people, just hearing words and phrases over time helps. Maybe it would if I stuck with it, but if I feel worse telling myself something that I think is a lie, why should I continue along that path?

I got a great tip from a counselor years ago: To write down negatives in my life, and reword them slightly to bring out the positive.

Example:

I've got issues with being social. Don't get me wrong, I'm awesome, and a hoot to be around, but sometimes I'm too afraid just to be seen that I can't get outside. So, I write:

 "I'm a recluse" I don't always like being a recluse. As much as people can bother me at times, I really like you humans.

Then I think to myself what advantages this brings:
 "I'm a recluse, which gives me a chance to really know myself, and to share that when I manage to get out."

It sounds cheesy, but it's true. Being terrified of social situations has inspired a love of reading, spurred my artistic and musical ability, and generally let me do a lot of thinking about what my values really are.

Thinking along those lines, it's not hard to look at things in a positive light.

The worst thing that's happened to me(that I'll admit to online!) is losing a parent when I was 14. Awful stuff at any age. I miss my mother all the time, but I take a huge amount of comfort in being told I remind people of her. Taking into myself the best that I remember of her really brings me peace.

When I was diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago, I was bummed, but not for long. I rarely view that as a negative. It feels good to take even just a little better care of myself, and I don't know that I would have done it if I didn't have that little monster haunting me.

Things happen in our lives, it's unavoidable. We choose our own happiness, brain chemistry be damned. I don't always win the battle, but being aware of my own thinking, I've already won the war.

That's an easy thing to say when I'm in a great mood. The thing is, I'm not. I write this when I feel I'm at "rock bottom" - something I'll write more about when I feel I'm digging out of it - I feel a HUGE amount of sadness right now. I know that particular sadness is just brain chemistry, aggravated by change, the great stressor. I'm changing everything in my life. Again, I'll write about that later, rather than speculate on the future.

Things are changing.
Change is stressful, even if the change is good.
I feel a huge sadness, but I know it isn't real. Denying that I feel it won't help.
I've got some amazing things to look forward to.
Even if I didn't, I'd choose to look at the positives, and that is comforting.

In the surprisingly rare situation where being sad is the appropriate response, I give myself a little time to sulk. Don't let it take over, but I don't deny it. Sadness is natural. When it isn't the right response, I try to identify that, and it isn't always easy through the fog of depression, but I most always snap myself out of it.

Dear Faith

I have been witness to another horrible book-burning event posted on Facebook, based on religious intolerance. The people posting to the event have started to use the name and image of their daughter, to not only hide behind their religious label(I have to clarify, not actual belief, that's for another time), but to hide behind a child. Like the WBC, they like to incite hate and act up, arguably within the letter of the law, and then sue for damages when they can claim through litigation that they are the ones somehow being persecuted.

The event I may write about later, I may not. What I'm posting this time is for their daughter. It is also equally for those growing up surrounded by hate, and fearful of the outside world being just as hateful toward them. It's that kind of fear that keeps a child, who naturally is curious and wanting to explore, from leaving the perceived safety of their bubble.

Also, her name is Faith. I thought that ironic.

The "Free speechers" won't let me post to this event, so here goes:

Dear Faith:

 It seems like your page and image are being exploited. I honestly hope one so young is not already full of such hate.

 
 When a person has faith, they have inner peace. Be it Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Atheist, or those that think Kirk is better than Picard, faith is inside. It is something you have for yourself. Religion is how other people tell you to believe. It isn't in and of itself a bad thing, but people can easily exploit it to kindle fear and hate, and thusly blind obedience and loss of self. 
 
 I hope that you, in your lifetime, are able to look inside yourself and find the courage and strength to rise above external justifications based on your own, internal, fear of the unknown(afterlife?). I hope you rise above, and become a decent person.
  Though you are part of an inflammatory diatribe, and hate begets hate, you as a person have the ability to do what you feel is right inside.
 
 The reality of God, or no God, is not to decide or prove, but to have faith in. I accept my own beliefs are mine, and whatever lies after this life is based on choices I make. If I was wrong, I was wrong honestly.
 
 If you come to a point where you seek enlightenment, don't seek it out from those who offer it easily. Take a look at those with the most peace and love in their hearts, and learn from them. Read, and take in their lessons. Reject what your heart honestly feels is wrong. Embrace what you feel to be right. 

 Accept that you need to maintain the strength to change as you continue to grow. There are no easy answers, but if you accept growth, your inner faith strengthens.
 
 Anyone who has real faith, and that inner peace, will be more than willing to accept you, anywhere in this world. It is true of Christians, Muslims, Buddhist, etc.Those who seek to justify hate can hide behind the exact same labels, and make things sound easy, so long as you "think like me."
 
 Don't grow up in fear of the hate that seems to be directed towards your church, or the hate that is outwardly projected. You don't have to be a part of any of it if you have the courage. If you are willing to accept others, the whole world is willing to stand behind you. It's the harder path, but the view of humanity from that view is more beautiful than you can imagine.
 
The name that you have is a wonderful concept. I hope one day you embrace it, regardless of label, and have peace within yourself.

 Sincerely,
Benjamin Magno

 Feel free to add comments contributing, or polite disagreement.

Guess what? Religion. Again.

I'll try to explain myself before anyone tries to put up a wall. I do NOT think that faith is wrong, if you read my other "Religion" post, you'll see it's quite the opposite. I have love and respect for real faith - faith not based on fear, hate or any combination of the two.

Times are rough. Everybody is out to get your freedom, provided you didn't vote for them. Everybody else is the problem. No one feels responsible for their own attitudes anymore. It's carrying over to religion as well. A certain percentage of any ideology, be it faith, politics, Star Trek vs. Star Wars, will have these people. When times get tougher, those people get louder. Sometimes they recruit others.

Despite how it looks on social networks, many, if not most, of religious folks are highly tolerant, and even full of love and forgiveness. It's that sort of peace that keeps these folks out of the highly-charged rhetoric. That is why I cannot disparage faith. It's not faith/religion/Brand X(tm) that is the problem. It's always people. If religion never existed, zealots would find a different way of justifying hatred of what they fear.

I'll say it plainly: it is fear that drives people toward despicable action. It's human nature to fear what we don't know. It kept us alive when we didn't know that a bear was in that cave, and we didn't find out because we were afraid. Fear, to a degree, has it's place. Fear of pain, of death, of what we don't know. Being afraid, it's hard for some to keep an open mind and learn. Alright, it's hard for everybody at some point. It's something we all share. Some people let the fear rule them, and justify it by letting other people tell them what to think. So-and-so told me if xxxx then I'll be rewarded in the afterlife. No personal accountability. Also, no real looking into one's heart and reaching out, unbidden, to be a better person.

Religion, in and of itself, is hardly irresponsible, though. One of the best ways to preach your religion is by living it, not saying it. Especially in troubled times. We need balance. We don't all know that we know we need it, but we know. It's instinct. If someone has peace and happiness, the real stuff, it shows. We want to know what they know. We then listen, not just hear, what they believe. It beats being yelled at by a street preacher or end-timer.

When you worry too much about feeling better than someone, and explaining why you are better, or just that they are somehow worse, you move to using faith as little more than an excuse to feel how you want, anyway. When you adopt a humility that allows you to question your faith, and you're willing to change what you believe, then you use faith to guide your beliefs, and the answers you wind up getting out of questioning said faith are overwhelmingly positive.

That makes for a huge disconnect in people that claim to believe the same thing.

Notice I didn't accuse Christians or Muslims or anything else I might not be. People under any and every label have the same option.

You know what? People have done bad things in the name of Islam. You know what else? People have done bad things in the name of Christianity. You know what else? People have done bad things in the name of atheism. I could go on, but if you've read this far, you get it.

It really isn't up to any of us to judge others based on what we might hear on TV or social media. Or based on anything else. If we don't understand something, we should strive to understand it. Not block it, or tell people they are wrong.

Faith is belief, not knowledge. Faith can be just as strong, though. Even though we may fear it, we have to accept that what we decide we believe can be as wrong as anything else. It's also that knowledge and acceptance combined with enduring faith that makes for a truly good human being, regardless of what label you use.

In the end, it's words. Old words, new words. Words translated with various intentions over the years. Who's to say anyone should suffer forever because they used the wrong one?

Don't give your faith to politics. Politicians ruin everything.

Rett Syndome, a Few Years Later

Campbell - my angel.

This is a follow up to a post I wrote a few months after Campbell's initial diagnosis.

Rett Syndrome hasn't taken the joy out of Campbell's life. She's a beautiful 5 year old who can get almost anybody to do what she wants with a smile.

Preschool

I dreaded this day. Her first day of school. I was scared of how the other children would treat her. I was scared of how the teachers would treat her. It's bad enough that a lot of doctors didn't know much, if anything, about Rett Syndrome, and I knew the teachers didn't know what to expect.

Campbell on her first day of school. She seemed to be telling me she'd be fine. 

She seemed eager to get inter a new situation. I realized how much I'd been wanting to shield her from the rest of the world, but she needed to be a kid. I had to laugh a little, she looked at me and reassured me that she'd be ok.

She was right. She's got suck a wonderful smile, the other kids would wind up giving her all of the toys there, one at a time, over the day, just to see who got the biggest smile. This continued. Apparently, children have to be taught to treat other kids differently; none of them thought of her as any less than themselves.

She keeps engaged, and can enjoy the activities the other children enjoy - she just needs help with the motor skills.


For quite a while, I was happy that Campbell didn't show any signs of seizures, which is a huge concert with Rett Syndrome. She started having seizures, though, and seemed to have them in spurts. It's absolutely maddening to have to watch your child go through that.

She's been in the hospital a few times, as they have gotten too frequent on several occasions. She is completely exhausted, and sometimes couldn't rest more than 30 seconds between seizures. They would give her medicine, which was quite sedating(though I couldn't imagine her not needed the rest), and eventually stabilized her.

One of her hospital visits.

At home, she's on anti seizure medicines, which have helped a lot, but have also made her very much more tired. She is a bit more quiet more often, but she still manages to be one of the happiest girls I know. She naps more frequently, but "recharges her batteries" quickly.

As of yet, she's still non-ambulatory, but makes strides in therapy. Doctors have said there's no reason for her not to walk eventually, and it's the best for her prognosis, and fending of scoliosis, another common complication with Rett girls.

Medical news is very positive. Despite the relative rarity of Rett, more and more potential treatments are being developed. I can't stress this enough:

Treatment of Rett Syndrome can lead to effective treatment of Epilepsy, Parkinson's, Autism, Alzheimer's and many more. It is considered the "Rosetta Stone of neurological conditions".

For all the fear I've had, and still have, that Rett will keep Campbell from enjoying life, she's amazingly positive. She's still almost always outwardly happy right up until the point she needs something, and needs it quite a bit.

She's also still a fan of daddy making faces, and tickle-time.

The Actually Quite Nice Single Guy's Valentine's Day Blog Post

I've been single nearly 3 years now. I have my reasons, and yes, some days it would be nice to share certain things with. Blah blah blah...

Valentine's Day is almost here. Valentine's woes aren't all specific to Valentine's Day for some. It's the last day set aside for quite a while that reminds you that you don't have a significant other. The whole winter, for us in the Northern Hemisphere(the BEST hemisphere!) can feel a little lonely with the cold and lack of sunlight. Dwelling on that shit gets one nowhere, though.

I love the idea of romance. I don't mean being with someone in a codependent fashion just so one doesn't have to be single, I mean the real thing. There's the general idea one gets from movies, TV and books, but I think the specifics are different for each person.

Enough about that. I just want to write a little about my favorite couple, even though they aren't real people.

Kermit and Miss Piggy

I identified more with Kermit than with G.I. Joe growing up. I like the idea of being the quiet romantic that just wants to make people smile. Some think he's a pushover, or even "whipped", but it's hardly the case.

He's a leader. He doesn't order people around, he certainly doesn't tell his girlfriend what to do, yet everyone looks up to him. He's a genuine fella.

He's in charge, and doesn't just allow himself to dream: he doesn't even question why someone wouldn't. Life without dreams isn't nearly as good as with, no matter how lofty they may seem.

His goals aren't money and fame, just bringing a little happiness to as many people as he can.

Miss Piggy has loads of self confidence. In fact, the only other person's opinion she really values is Kermit. Even then, it doesn't affect her view of herself.

She's passionate. Wow. She seems high strung and temperamental often, sometimes to the point of a (usually deserved) karate chop to the stomach. 


The two make sense. For all of his being a dreamer, she's the one head-over-heels for him. He provides a calm strength that goes well with her passion for...well, everything she does. They both have their own separate happiness, but the two are so much better together.

Thanks for reading this far. Be it alone, or with a special someone that makes you happy to make happy:

Happy Valentine's Day

 

Guess what? Religion.

This is one of those subjects where, although people won't admit to themselves they judge others, will have some people make up their mind about me one or two sentences in. I ask you to read this with an open mind. If you're a person of faith, it shouldn't be a problem. If your faith can't be questioned and remain intact, it's not faith to begin with. 

Yes, I'm "going there". I often do. I'm one of those that is often labeled as having lost his faith. I grew up going to church, with about the best bunch of supportive people you could imagine. I chose to be baptized at age 19. That was also when I "lost my way".

I had always been fascinated by science, and now that I was a free man (high school graduate) I didn't have any assigned reading, I got to choose what and how I learned. I learned as much as I could find about quantum theory and astrophysics. Opening my mind to new ways of thinking about existence, a thought kept tugging at the back of my mind. The right words were never there, so i kept plodding along. I read a little about Plato, Copernicus, Galileo, Newton, and Einstein, and that tug finally found the words it needed to sound alarms in my head:

There is little to no place in religion for the Universe. Writings are human-centered, and given what learning was available when writing, why not? But to keep the human-centric nature of existence didn't make sense. Sure, I understand people want comfort in an afterlife. People need to know that if they follow a checklist handed down by some guy on a podium each Sunday, they will live forever, without having to make any tough moral choices themselves. People need to know it's going to be okay.

I don't intend for this post to focus on any one religion. When I say "God", I'm not saying YHWH(Yahweh), Jesus, Buddha, L. Ron Hubbard, or anything specific. God is not a name. Like when you say "Dumbass", it isn't their name - you're saying what they are.

The Universe is huge. All of space-time, dimensions we can't fathom, and we are a minute speck on a minute speck on...you get the idea. What we experience is the smallest fraction of what is in the Universe. So why would any All-knowing, all-seeing God even put that stuff there?

OBEY

Who knows? First of all, a being that can be aware of every subatomic particle winking in and out of existence from the beginning to the end of time is a being whose thought processes we cannot hope to fathom. Not in the space of an old book that talks a lot about who begat whom, and what to eat on what days, certainly not in the imaginings of a science fiction author. This is a level of thought that we couldn't even begin to define with all the words in all the languages people have or will ever have.

I began to realize religion, from what I've read, is taking these immense, wondrous and often exotic workings, most of which we will never experience in our tiny little pinprick corner of existence, and dumbing it down to fit into a book. Even the book is dumbed down. One bite-sized sermon, often out of context will feed your spirit for a whole week. Let someone else read it to you, tell you what they think it means, and just obey.

That line of thought started to trouble me even more. Worship a God that has brought all this marvelous stuff into existence, but get angry at people who try and learn about it. Also, if you enjoy any of this great gift, you're sinning.

“We are all connected; To each other, biologically

. To the earth, chemically.

 To the rest of the universe atomically.”
― Neil deGrasse Tyson

Some of the more alarming products I've seen of the dumbed-down-existence practices, is "Intellegent Design". It is not science. The argument "It's too complex, there has to be something doing it..." or  
"You can't explain it, it has to be God." Is saddening. Neil deGrasse Tyson, of the Hayden Planetarium, said that when you think of God in these terms, God becomes "an ever-receding pocket of scientific ignorance."

So far, the best I've been able to come up with, as far as God goes is something like this:

God is infinite - everything we can and can't see. God encompasses an infinite existence. We are finite beings. We look from the inside, learning more and more all the time, but as our time is finite and ends, we take our experiences and perceptions from the finite to rejoin the infinite. Even using the term "God" evokes images of someone who is basically a magical human.

I don't even know how much I believe that. It doesn't matter what you believe, believing something, no matter how loudly, won't change what's going on. If there's Karma, or an afterlife, you just wind up looking like a jerk for eternity. Treat people with respect. Grow as a person, and help others grow. Be willing to change what you think to accommodate what you learn.

God's not some creepy old white man in the clouds spending the bulk of his energy telling us what to eat on what days, or campaigning for Republicans. What I believe is God, simply put, is everything. Even referring to it as "God" kind of dumbs it down. There doesn't need to be an agreed-on being. It's not up to us. Believe what you honestly feel is right, out of the positive feelings you get, not out of fear, or hatred, or anything someone tells you makes you any better than anything else.
 
Since I've lost my way, I've never been more spiritually enlightened. I marvel at existence every day, from the subatomic to the interstellar, there's always more to learn, and then still more to realize that we haven't even begun to question. I've found much more peace in that than could be written in words.

I'm not saying I'm right and you have to accept it, then again, what's true and what's not isn't really up to us, no matter how much we try and say otherwise.

Getting Something Back

Way back, at age 19, I decided to start running to get in shape. I loved it. I managed to run every day, which is a big deal for me. less than 6 months after I started, I was stopped by my first arthritis flare in my ankle. I had no idea what it was at the time, but it scared me, and had me on crutches or limping for 5 months.

After that, it came and went, but the swelling kept my foot from bending correctly, so no more running for me. The arthritis got progressively worse, sometimes keeping me bedridden for weeks. Then, between flares, it was all I could do to get some of my strength back for another round of flares.

I even climbed several mountains in the meantime, when my joints permitted, but being able to jump or run, to propel myself through the air one leg at a time, wouldn't come to me. It had been frustrating to say the least.

I read up on everything I could, and was particularly interested in the effect of dopamine in autoimmune diseases. I had noticed if I was in the middle of a flare, but I heard a good song, or something else that made me happy despite the pain, I'd sometimes get an amazing, euphoric feeling, and that would set about recovery for that round.

I don't know if anyone knows the full story of what I've gone through over the last two years, but it's been rough to say the least. Through it, I found new ways to look at things, to figure out what's really important, figure out where I'm going, and to feel halfway decent about myself for I believe the first time in my life.

January had me bedridden two separate times, but I didn't let the depression from prolonged pain win that time. I've had only minor flares since, the most recent on my hand lasting for LESS THAN A DAY.

I thought that was good news, but today, while out walking London, I did something, just to see if I finally could, and I'm sure I looked a lot like a drunken asshat.

I ran.

Immygrants

I've heard a lot about people wanting to shut down borders, and complaining about pressing 1 for English.

We are a country of immigrants. Don't take my word for it, ask the Statue of Liberty.

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

True story.

-Emma Lazarus, “The New Colossus”

This was selected as THE greeting to people coming to our country. It was to represent what we all work for – a better future, and the freedom to change things for the better.

People don't seem to be able to respect the fact that there are other languages in the world, even worse if some of them make it into our country. For anyone semi-literate in history, it should be recognized as a possible turning point toward something dark. Look at what has happened to other countries when they've shut out others, or blamed people of another culture for their problems.

Americans are used to convenience rather than effort, especially if it means their horizons might be broadened, or something might make their life experience just a little more enriching.

But...but...but they get stuff!

There's a lot of posts on social media saying things like "In Korea they beat you with splintery wooden dildos but in America you get a golden unicorn that poops heroin that they can sell to neighborhood youths, and  benefits." - food stamps, social security, driver's licence... wait a second.

Anyone who has applied for anything knows that you need a social security number to get anything like this. To have a social security number, you must be a citizen. And if someone steals a social security number to get a job? They pay a third of their income into SS, and will never see a penny of it.

So, people have chosen to forgo common sense, especially when it means they can blame everything wrong in their lives on people with brown skin. Stay classy, America.

Beyond the common sense, there's a lot of actual facts about immigrants. They come here to work. They see opportunities we Americans wouldn't consider. Take a look at northeaster Ohio. Immigrants coming to work and start businesses have grown local economies by billions.

So, the history and facts aren't on your side. Maybe it's all about how hard it is to press a button for English when you're on the phone. It took me longer to type that sentence that it has ever taken me to press "1".

Speek thuh langooedge, leik i doo,

I do favor those within out borders learning English. Not for my own peace of mind, but because their stories and voices can be added to the rich tapestry of the America I grew up loving. Our country is made up of too many other cultures to think, even for a moment, that everyone should magically speak so we can understand them as soon as they are within our borders.

If someone comes here to work, they are doing something. They are, by nature, a part of society. They have a story, one which deserves to be told, and added to our own heritage. 

To people that have lived here all our lives, check your own lineage. A lot of you wouldn't be here if immigrants weren't allowed, especially if they didn't speak English.

To people coming here in search of a better tomorrow, I thank you. More people who grew up in America need to follow suit.

As problems arise in a society struggling with globalization, mass communication, and people being forced to recognize the reality of a bigger Earth than what they see outside their own windows, we need a richer, more varied society to work together to come up with unique and effective solutions.

We need you. 

Bill of Rights... What About Responsibility?

 Citizens' Rights and Responsibilities

Last time I was at the hospital, I saw, posted on several walls, a document entitled "Patients' Rights and Responsibilities". It was a overly-verbose way of saying you have the right to treatment coupled with the responsibility to pay your bill. I thought that was a very good way of putting something. You have a certain right, and with it go certain responsibilities.

 I started thinking about the Bill of Rights, and that it needed a "Bill of Responsibility" to compliment it. It's been circling the vortex of ideas in my head for some time. People who label themselved "Gun lovers" sparked it, but once the concept was there, I saw that it applies to all rights.

 Americans love their rights, but not all respect their responsibilities. I do NOT favor "Takin' our guns", but people who post things online against gun control are really hurting their case. People insist on taking loaded weapons in to where a public official is speaking, just 'cuz it's their right. No matter that you plead for guns to defend yourself and family, but the Secret effing Service is there! What makes you such a special person?

 People post pictures of a sign basically saying "Hey, violate my neighbors. It'll be funny 'cuz they don't have guns! I do, so don't mess with me!" That is stupidity in it's raw form, there. Burglars tend to avoid your house while you're in it. But, you did tell them to go for your guns first. Then, if you do get home, guess where your guns are? Pointed at you.

 All the same, people laugh at this callous disregard for safety and human life. Not to mention, just come off like a bunch of trigger-happy morons that should have their own island, away from society in general.

 I know people aren't like that, for the most part. Just the loudest ones. People do go to extremes if they feel their rights are threatened, even if it's imaginary. Did you know, for all of Obama's "Comprehensive plan to take your guns" - I didn't make this up, people believe it - The only gun laws he's signed actually allow more freedom, like carrying a loaded weapon into a National Park.

 I spent enough time on guns, let's just go down the list.

1.  Freedom of speech, Press, Religion and Petition - You have the right to say what you want, print what you want, believe what you want, and call for action by your elected representatives if you want something changed.

 You have the responsibility to think before you speak, really think, research before printing, Accept that if you have your right to believe what you want, so does everyone else and make sure your petition is a good thing for all, not just you wanting your own way.

2. Right to keep and bear arms - It specifically mentions the potential need of a citizen's militia, in turn, citizens will have the right to arm themselves. A government that wants too much control will try and deny these rights if it foresees a civil war, or another Revolution.

 You have the responsibility to store guns responsibly, use and care for them responsibly, to show people you're not a trigger-happy moron who wants to fire his guns just because he can.

3. Quartering Soldiers - No one can force you to house a soldier. If something awful happens, and our soldiers have to fight on home ground, be nice and let one stay with you if it's needed. This amendment really hasn't had too many issues over history.

4. Search and Seizure - No searches without good reason. You have the right to say no to a search of your property or person. You have the responsibility to let them in when they do have a warrant.

5. The Rights of Persons - You have the right to keep your yap shut if it might get you in trouble. You still have the responsibility of not being a lying douche.

6. Right to a Speedy Trial - You have the right to have your trial as quickly as possible. You have the responsibility to realize there are other people in this world, and some got in line before you.

7. Right to a trial by jury - You have the right to a trial by a jury of your peers, if you think you deserve a "Hey, guys, be bros" type of case, that isn't black and white. You have the responsibility to nut up the rest of the time, no matter how much you don't like it. Speeding? Yeah, you went fast. Pay your fine and think about amendment #6.

8. Excessive bail, cruel treatment. - Again, you will be punished, but the punishment should fit the crime, but only up to a point. You still have the right to be treated as a human, no matter what you do. You have the responsibility to just not go there. Don't be Manson.

9. Rule of Construction of Constitution - Constitutional amendments grant rights, not take them away. You have the right to propose new amendments to guarantee certain freedoms, and never to take them away. You have the responsibility to realize you can't add an amendment to take away the right to marriage for anyone. Seriously, guys, it's right there. You have the responsibility to realize that even if you don't agree with something, other people get the same rights as you under the law.

10. Rights of States - The constitution is what covers the US. Anything not there, States have the right to pass laws on. The responsibility is to do what's right, not always what's popular to a local, loud few.

 Watch this, then watch C-SPAN. You'll swear you're high.

Screw it... Happy Holidays!

 I'm getting a little sick of the "Keep the 'Christ' in Christmas" and "I Won't say 'Happy Holidays' at Christmas" along with something that makes it sound American.

Is Christmas the only holiday people are allowed to celebrate? People are not "afraid" of saying Christmas, or Thanksgiving, or New Year's, or even (C)Hauna(k)ka if people ever finally agree on how to spell it. "Happy Holidays" is intended to unify the whole season, and take into consideration the variety that makes us human. It's almost like well-wishing others, and having goodwill toward... someone. It's a good spirit that at least one of these holidays should adopt.

 No one is trying to take away your gun cabinet full of American flags. We as a country are more than "people can only celebrate what I celebrate, and only for the same reasons I do.".  How is it wrong to want to include your fellow man just because he may not get you something for "Christmas".

 Besides, how embarrassed would Jesus be? Or do you think Jesus would also be spamming facebook with "He didn't come to my birthday party, he can't have his own party."

Do you REALLY want to jump the facebook ship for Google+? Actually, you might.

   Tired of change, and lists, and the ticker that facebook threw on you at once? Ready to go to Google+? You may be, just make sure you do it the right way.


Get used to lists.

   People mention facebook taking a cue from Google+, in that lists have become more dominant. Many people's frustration with facebook is not controlling who sees what. This is more obvious now, but it has always been an issue. It's just plain responsible, when you are in a few social circles, to separate groups of people. They don't all want to see your game posts. Maybe you don't want your creepy ex looking at pictures of your kids. Learn to use lists. Take control. Google+  makes that EASY. If I try to tell you how easy, it'll sound harder than it is. Try it in facebook. Sometimes control is all you need to feel bette.r


Don't admit defeat.

    Take a little time and sample the new features given to you. You may like some of them. You may not. No matter where you go on the internet, new features are an inevitability.


Change your browser.

    You don't even have to change. Download Firefox, install it, and when it asks to make it your default browser, say "no". Use it only when you want. Get used to it. IE is notorious for bugs and security flaws. That can ruin your experience anywhere.


Drop your toolbars.

    A toolbar is one of the worst things you can do to your browser. No matter where it's from, it intercepts code, tracks your browsing history, and steals money from sites you like.  Visiting a nonprofit that relies on advertising revenue? Not from you. Toolbars will take an advertising banner, and replace it with one of their own, on the page, without your knowledge. That .02 per click going to "Save Kids from Evil Clowns" is now going to the people who made your toolbar. Not to mention, there's nothing from keeping any toolbar from storing your passwords to sites you use, and spamming your friends.


Bottom Line:

    If you're not tech savvy, sudden change in unfamiliar territory is daunting. Take a look at your TV remote. Think of going back in time 20 years, showing it to your past self, and saying "This is what we'll need to watch TV.". Then tell yourself you can do anything. If you have a complaint or suggestion, use the site's "Send Feedback" link. Try Google+, but realize change will come there, too. Having all the control you can is important online. 

But you can do anything.

The New facebook. It's not as bad as you feared, but not as good as you'd hoped.

  We all use facebook. At least, enough of us use it so I can more or less safely assume that you use it. In the name of innovation, FB has updated some features, the layout, and it's confusing as hell if you're not prepared. Most people use it for a quick game or to check on people at a distance. There's nothing wrong with that. You just need a geek pal (like me) to help you when it gets too technical for your taste, or time contraints.

Ticked by the ticker?

  This is probably the single biggest source of complaints and fear. It posts EVERYTHING! How do I keep it from telling everyone everything I do? The simple answer: If you don't want people to see it, don't put it on facebook. 
    I'm not being as hearless as I may sound. The ticker updates anything you'd normally see on a friend's page. There's nothing new or scary about what's going on in the corner, so breathe a little easier. If someone wants to see what goes on in the ticker, all they ever would have had to do is click on your name.
    That being said, how do I rid myself of this new thing?

    1.) The easiest way - shrink it.
      There is a seperator bar at the bottom of the ticker that blends in so nice, you hardly know it's there. Click it, drag it up, shrink your ticker to ALMOST nothing. It's not perfect, but it may be enough for you.

The little bar can be slid up so as to make it ALMOST go away.

    2.) Plugins are your friends.
      Go to http://www.fbpurity.com. They make their plugin for Chrome as well as Firefox. I don't think Internet Explorer will allow it, however. Yet another reason to make the plunge! As of the writing of this, the newest version of Firefox is the fastest, most stable, and most lightweight browser - not to mention secure. Anyone who reads their windows updates will be bombarded by updates for IE that says "fixes a bug which could allow an intruder remote access to your computer." - ALL THE TIME. Ditch it!

      FBPurity will (once you refresh your newsfeed) allow you to completely remove elements from your facebook view. Suggested friends, pages, even the TICKER. Ooooooh.


But it's a clutterf$@!k! (see that pun?)

    This may be the simplest, yet most involved fix. Change your browser. Google Chrome(tm) users will notice a lot more clutter in the center of the screen, the old chat thumbnails on the left in addition to the chat sidebar on the right. I was so very confused when I woke up to facebook ablaze with comments about how different, and how messy the new look was. I didn't see it. I use Firefox.


A friend of mine had an open debate with me - something other than "It's new, it sucks" that I try and drown out. I got to thinking Chrome uses a different Java(tm) engine. I checked. I almost threw up in my mouth a little.

This is what Chrome showed me:

It's safe to click if you want to see it bigger.

This is what I had been browsing, nonchalantly, in Firefox:

Click. Make it bigger. Compare.

If you make the leap from Chrome to Firefox, but don't want to sacrifice the comfort of Chrome, take a look here. A small upfront time investment, you have CONTROL over your browsing. Sounds nice, doesn't it?

By the way, if you're make the leap from Internet Explorer to Firefox, and don't want to panic, go here.


Take a tip from Santa. Make a list, check it twice.

    This may seem like a daunting task to the uninitiated. It's not that bad, and it gives you the privacy control you so greatly want, and deserve. 

    This is something you should do if you have a lot of friends in any case. You can control who sees what. Even in the ticker. If you don't already deal with lists, there is a LIST section on your left-hand column now, with some suggested, pre-made lists. Play with those later. Click the "MORE" that comes up when you move the mouse over the word LISTS. You can create a new list by clicking the button I pointed to.

A window will pop up asking you to give the list a name. Whatever you want. Then, a screen to select your friends for this list. Select, for now, the people you want updated every time you do something. That's it. you have a list. You can go back to the lists menu and change it anytime. Ooooh, power. Are you dizzy with it yet? Just wait.

NOW, on the top blue bar, by your name, and home, there's a little down arrow. Click it. Select "Privacy Options". You will be brought here:

 

Magic. It really is.

We are changing your default posting preferences here. Click the dot under "Custom", select your list, and then, unless you say otherwise, those people will be the only ones who see what you do, even on their ticker.

   You are welcome.




Change.

  Change, especially in the digital age, is inevitable. It's how we progress. We don't have to like every single change, though. We do what we can with what we have, and I'll share anything I can to make things easier on you.

    It's why I'm here.